A New Year
Last year I rung in 2020 on a beach in Bermuda. While my social media may have presented an image of paradise and serenity, in reality I was experiencing the low point of my depression. I spent much of that trip crying. I was lonely, I was stressed, I was unhappy.
Flash forward to this year. It is the first Christmas I have spent without my family. It is a global pandemic and Ontario is in its second lockdown of the year. I spent this holiday (and most of the others this year) on my own, with my cat Tux, in the coziness of my little apartment. Still alone, still working on my mental health every day, but more content and trying my best to find happy moments in my day to day life, whether it be in the company of friends or on my own.
This year was one we will all remember. It was a year of loss and of intense crisis, but also of deep self-reflection and healing. I have been healing much of my self this year. I spent this year reflecting on what I want and who I want to be. On re-examining my dreams and my limits. On learning to be okay with being with myself, on learning and knowing my worth, and manifesting what I want and desire.
I have been learning to create and accept my boundaries and to put my energy into what makes me the most happy. I reflected on my work and my passions. I exercised using my voice and sharing my perspectives beyond the popular to the political. I reflected on my larger place in this world and who I want to be and what I want to be known for.
This year also brought me closer to family and friends - despite the distances and isolation brought by the pandemic. I focused on the relationships that are most meaningful to me. Whether that be through more face times or zooms, postcards and letters, or simply calls and texts day to day, I am incredibly thankful for the friendships I have formed, especially over the last 10 years, and the role all of these people continue to have in my life and the support they give me every day.
So while 2020 was a year that showed some of my lowest moments, of some of my saddest and downright loneliest moments; and while it is definitely not a year I think I will want to re-live in any time or place, I am incredibly grateful for the growth and accomplishments that it has provided me. So here is to the personal bests I set on the track. Here is to successfully writing and defending my thesis and finishing a masters degree. Here is to buying my first new car and managing financial stability for the first time in my adult life. Here is to the connections built, rebuilt, and maintained. Here is to closeness and to family.
And lastly, here is to 2021. No big resolutions this year, simply manifestations. I am looking forward to a year of love, of success, of happiness, of stability, and of continued growth.